


What the Frack?

by heyjupiter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Multi, Science Boyfriends, fracking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:16:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce Banner, mild-mannered scientist/social activist, gets arrested while exercising his First Amendment rights. Luckily, he's able to use his one phone call on Tony Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Frack?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this AvengerKink prompt:](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/10266.html?thread=22317850#t22317850)
> 
> So, Mark Ruffalo is a huge anti-fracking advocate - he's been on the Colbert Report (http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/411275/march-28-2012/mark-ruffalo) and was recently protesting in Albany (http://thepineconegentleman.com/2012/08/03/mark-ruffalo-speaking-out/).
> 
> I want to see Bruce protesting fracking. One, because now he's an Avenger, he can't go off to third world countries whenever he wants, so he needs a new cause. Two, because of the fracking pun possibilities.
> 
> Can be gen, or include a pairing (OP loves science boyfriends, but really, anyone is fine). 
> 
> BIG thanks to tarajuku for beta-ing/cheerleading/emoticonning.

Bruce stood at the outer corner of his cell and focused on his breathing. He knew he'd be out of there soon. But if he wasn't careful, he'd be out of there too soon, leaving a trail of bodies behind him. Instead, he focused on waiting for his phone call and keeping the Other Guy at bay.

He didn't mind the crowded holding cell; it was filled with other peaceful political protesters, and anyway, it was still less crowded than the markets in Kolkata. He also didn't mind the decidedly unhygienic little shared toilet. Again: it was better than what he'd usually had access to in Kolkata. What was coming the closest to sending Bruce over the edge was his sense of moral outrage about the injustice of the situation. They'd been exercising their First Amendment rights, that was all.

He'd known this was a possibility, if an unlikely one. That was why he hadn't brought anything with him except cash (and his poster). He'd given the police a fake name. He'd given an address he'd used years ago, a grad student apartment. And he then waited as calmly as possible to be given his phone call, trying not to think about the fact that he'd also given them his fingerprints and a cheek swab. Since he hadn't been arrested on violent charges, he was pretty confident they wouldn't actually run any DNA tests, at least not immediately.

Whenever a guard walked past, some of his cellmates would yell, demanding their one phone call. The guards generally smirked and said, "Real soon, guys," but Bruce knew it wasn't a priority. He debated the merits of feigning a health condition to get out of there faster, but he didn't think he wanted to be examined by anyone here.

He just needed to bide his time. Soon enough, they'd need to empty this cell out. Soon enough, they'd give him a chance to use the phone. He'd have to call Tony. He didn't know anyone else's phone number.

He was sure Tony had the resources to get Bruce out quickly. He was pretty sure Tony would find the whole situation hilarious. He just wasn't quite sure how to explain everything with a guard standing behind him the whole time.

He was mentally reciting affirmations-- _When I breathe in, I breathe in peace; When I breathe out, I breathe out love_ \--when a fellow inmate tapped him on the shoulder and very nearly shattered all of Bruce's carefully honed calm. It must have showed on his face, because the guy said, "Hey, sorry, man. I just wanted to see if you wanted a turn on the bench?" Bruce looked behind them. The cell had one bench that was big enough to hold maybe half the people in the cell. They'd been taking turns sitting but Bruce preferred to stand up front, where he had a little more personal space. He'd enjoyed the feeling of being part of the crowd of protesters, but being part of a crowd of inmates in a cell had a slightly different flavor.

"No. Thank you," Bruce said.

The guy shrugged. He was young, probably a college student. "Suit yourself." He tapped the bars idly and said, "You ever been arrested before?"

Bruce thought about that. "No, I guess I haven't." He'd been detained by the military, and he hadn't necessarily been given a lot of choices about following Natasha back to SHIELD, but he'd never technically been arrested before.

The guy laughed. "I guess you haven't either, cuz trust me, you'd remember if you had."

Bruce grinned. "Guess so. What about you?"

"Me? I got a rap sheet as long as your arm. OWS, SOA, anti-war protests, and the ever-popular walking-while-black."

Bruce nodded. "Is it always like this?"

"The early days of OWS was worse. Sometimes they'd arrest a hundred at a time and they didn't really have a place to put all of us. This is smalltime. You live around here?"

"Not really. I guess I'm living in the city now."

"You came all the way from the city to Albany to protest fracking?"

"I guess I did."

Bruce expected the guy to ask why, but instead he just grinned and said, "Right on. I'm Marcus."

"John," Bruce said, since that was the name he'd given the police. He extended his hand, and Marcus took it.

And then a guard said, "Take a step back from the door!"

Bruce and Marcus obliged, and the guard unlocked the door. He looked down at a clipboard and said, "John Hogan?"

"Yes," Bruce said.

"Come with me. You can make your phone call."

Bruce nodded and stepped out into the hallway. He followed the guard down to a payphone. It looked a lot like what _Law & Order_ had led him to expect. He sighed and collect-called one of richest men in America. He told the collect call robot his name was John Hogan and hoped that Tony would either recognize his voice or be too intrigued by a stranger calling his personal cell phone number to refuse the call.

It worked. Tony answered the phone with, "Who is this?"

Bruce took a deep breath. "It's _me_. John Hogan. The thing is, um, I've been arrested. And I think I left my ID and everything at your place. And, you know, there's this other guy who sometimes travels with me? I haven't seen him but..."

He heard Tony inhale. "Okay, buddy, what do you need?"

"Well. Bail money would be nice. And I seem to have forgotten my ID. Do you think you could--"

"Of course. Where are you? Are you okay? I'll send a lawyer. I'm sending a lawyer right now. Wait, what happened? Are you sure--are you sure the other guy isn't with you?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. I'll... I'll explain later," Bruce said. He gave Tony the address of the jail. "I owe you," he said.

"Oh, I imagine you'll get a chance to pay me back before long," Tony said. "Be--be careful."

"Yeah. You too. Thanks. Oh. Uh," Bruce added, trying to sound casual, "Did you know that when you get arrested they take a DNA sample?"

"Do they now?" Tony said. "I'll... look into that."

"Appreciate it," Bruce said.

"That's enough," the guard said, tapping Bruce on the shoulder.

Bruce winced and said, "Thanks again. See you later." He hung up before he could hear Tony's reply.

Things moved quickly after that. Bruce was escorted back to the cell and Marcus went out to make his phone call next. Someone brought a tray of individually wrapped ham and cheese sandwiches, which Bruce politely declined. And by the time everyone else had devoured their white bread sandwiches, a man in an expensive suit arrived to claim Bruce. He handed over perfect fake ID in the name of John Alexander Hogan of New York, New York and Bruce used it to complete his paperwork. Bruce was given a ziplock bag with his wallet (which, impressively, contained the same amount of cash it did when he arrived) and his watch. They do not return his hand-lettered "What the Frack?" poster. Bruce considered asking after it, but decided not to bother. Then he was released, and he followed the lawyer--whose name turned out to be Lee--out to a very nice car.

"Thank you so much," Bruce said. "I really appreciate it."

Lee shrugged. "I do what Mr. Stark tells me to do."

"Don't we all?" Bruce muttered.

Lee cracked a smile. "You got a rental car or anything you need to take care of?"

"No, uh, I took the bus," Bruce said.

" _Oh_ ," Lee said. Bruce suspected taking the bus was more shocking to Lee than getting arrested. He drove Bruce to a small private airfield outside of Albany. Lee sat with Bruce in the small waiting room, typing away on his laptop. Bruce figured Lee was probably the country's highest-paid babysitter right now. Bruce flipped through a month-old _People_ magazine. It had a feature about Tony Stark's favorite party foods, which Bruce knew had all been selected by Pepper.

He was reading the most inane book reviews he'd ever read when the sound of a plane landing distracted him, thank god. Bruce stood up and looked to Lee, who shut his laptop and nodded. They headed out onto the tarmac and Tony climbed down from the plane. It was nearly dark now but Tony still wore sunglasses. He walked briskly toward Bruce and put his hands on his shoulders. "Hey. You okay?"

"Fine," Bruce said.

Tony stared at him for a long moment and said, "Okay." Then he turned to Lee and said, "Everything's... okay?"

Lee handed over a file folder. "Bail paid, court date sent. Shouldn't be a problem to get him off, if that's what you want to do."

Bruce watched Tony briefly struggle not to smirk, and then give up and direct a lecherous glance at Bruce. Then he composed his face and said, "Yeah, Lee, that's what we want to do. I'm sure you've learned your lesson, haven't you, _John_?"

"Yeah," Bruce said. "I guess I have."

Tony grinned and said, "Well, thanks again, Lee. We'll talk about the court date later."

Lee nodded. "Sure, Mr. Stark. Have a safe flight."

"You got it," Tony said, and Lee walked back to his car. Tony put an arm around Bruce and said, "Okay. I literally can't wait to hear why you got arrested. In Albany."

Bruce raised his eyebrows. "You didn't ask JARVIS to find out for you?"

Tony grinned. "I want to hear it in your words. Get on the plane."

Bruce hopped up the stairs and followed Tony to a plush seat. Once the door was shut, Tony wrapped Bruce into a hug. Pepper grinned and said, "Hey, outlaw Avenger." Bruce was surprised that Pepper had come, but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a pleasant surprise.

"Pepper," he said. She walked over and kissed him. Then she buckled in for takeoff, which was fast and smooth, like it always was in one of Tony's aircraft.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "You should probably eat something." She fussed around in the jet's kitchenette while Tony fussed around with a tablet. He held it up and grinned, showing off a photo of Bruce holding his "What the Frack?" poster amidst a crowd of protesters.

"Nice poster," Tony said.

"I think the police threw it away."

"'What the frack,'" Tony said. "It's nerdy on so many levels. Well, two, I guess. Or three if you count puns as a specific type of nerdiness. Which I do." He took off his sunglasses and said, "I love it when you're nerdy."

"Uh. Thanks. That doesn't identify me by name, does it?"

"Nah. The caption just says 'Protesters.' JARVIS found it for me with his face recognition software, which is only a million times more sophisticated than Facebook's."

Pepper brought him a pesto veggie sandwich and a bottle of water and said, "Eat this. And drink this. Did anybody hurt you? It must have been so stressful."

Bruce said, "It was mostly boring."

"Why didn't you tell us you wanted to go protest fracking?" Pepper said. "You didn't have to go by yourself."

Bruce shook his head. "You two are public figures. I'm... not. Not like this, anyway," he said, indicating his pale human form. "I just wanted to do something, I guess."

"I'm not in favor of fracking, per se," Tony said. "But I didn't know you felt so strongly about it."

Bruce shrugged.

Pepper said, "Whenever he reads about it in the news he always has to close his eyes and do some deep breathing before he'll move on."

Bruce and Tony both turned to look at her and she said, "Forgive me for being the only one who pays attention."

Bruce sighed. "Yes, it is... infuriating. It's poisoning our water. It's motivated purely by corporate greed. It's..." he trailed off and took deep breaths. "I just... wanted to make my voice heard. I guess."

Tony's eyes gleamed with a manic shine. "We should make a PSA. HULK SMASH FRACKING. Kidding!" he said, when Pepper and Bruce both glared at him.

Bruce didn't mind jokes about the Other Guy as much as he used to, particularly not from Tony. But he still didn't think it would be the most effective way to get his point across. He said, "You're an engineer, Tony, have you really looked into this? It hasn't been fully investigated. It isn't safe. It's contaminating the water and it's destroying people's homes. Methane gas can build up inside them and they can explode."

"It sounds awful," Pepper said. Tony started picking chips off Bruce's plate, and Pepper sighed. "Tony, I'd tell you to make your own sandwich but I know you won't. Bruce, you'd better eat before Tony steals it all." She rose from her seat and came back with another plate.

Tony said, "It's more fun stealing from Bruce."

Bruce said, "I'm really sorry for putting you to so much trouble."

"Are you kidding?" Pepper said. "It's the most exciting thing that's happened to Tony all week. And we're just glad you're all right." She looked at him. "You are all right, aren't you?"

"Yes. Of course," he said, but even he could tell he wasn't being very convincing. Pepper leaned across the aisle and squeezed his hand.

"We'll figure something out," she said. "Eat your sandwich."

He ate a bite to make Pepper happy, then realized that he hadn't eaten much all day and he was actually pretty hungry. And Pepper did know how to make a good sandwich. So he ate it all, and then said, "Oh. Uh, did--they took a DNA sample at the police station."

Tony said, "Yeah, you mentioned that."

"... and?" Bruce felt that sometimes Tony was really just asking to be punched in the face by the Other Guy, and he tried his best to quash that impulse.

Tony grinned. "And you owe Natasha a favor."

Bruce sighed with relief. He could handle that. He trusted Nat to call in the favor, and he definitely trusted her to wipe his record clean. It was really overkill to send the Black Widow in to the Albany Police Department, but he knew he was lucky to have allies--friends--who would do that for him. Nobody else who'd been in that cell with him would have their records wiped clean.

"Thanks," he said.

Tony shrugged. "Hey, you know, we're the Avengers. We saved Earth from evil aliens, so we might as well save Earth from fracking." He paused. "Is there anything else that people call it? Because I mean, 'fracking' really _sounds_ like something I'd enjoy."

"Hydraulic fracturing," Bruce said.

"Hmm. Yeah. Hard to fit that on a poster." Bruce could _see_ gears turning in Tony's mind. Tony said, "Have you given any thought to alternate ways of accessing that natural gas?"

"I'm not an engineer," Bruce said. "Anyway--it isn't necessary. It's too much damage for too little payoff. We should put those resources into solar or wind."

"Or arc reactor technology," Tony said, a bit indignantly.

"Or arc reactors," Bruce agreed, though they both knew arc reactors were still a few years away from being feasible for public use. Tony spent the rest of the short flight reading about fracking and sketching out plans. Pepper worked on her laptop, and Bruce felt guilty for pulling her away from her work. Before long, they were back home to Stark Tower.

Bruce quietly retreated to his suite to shower. He washed away the tension of the crowds, the jail cell, and explaining himself to Tony and Pepper as best he could. He sat down and tried to read, but his thoughts were still pretty scattered. Then JARVIS announced, "Dr. Banner, Master Stark requests your presence in the salon."

Bruce rolled his eyes and said, "Okay." When he got to the salon--which in any other house would be called the living room, but Stark Towers had about ten different living rooms with names of varying levels of pretension--he was not entirely surprised to see that a few of the other Avengers had assembled there as well. Thor was still in another dimension, and Clint was on assignment somewhere in Europe, but Steve and Natasha were there, perching on expensive armchairs. Tony and Pepper were sitting together on the couch, and Pepper scooted over to make room for Bruce. Bruce took a few breaths to steady himself, since Pepper clearly thought he would need moral support for whatever would come next.

Natasha had a little smirk on her face; she thought this was funny. Steve did not.

Steve said, "Bruce, do you want to explain what happened?"

Bruce thought this was probably how it felt if you had a normal dad and he got normally disappointed in your normal teenage antics. But Bruce wasn't a teenager, and Steve wasn't his dad. He looked Steve in the eyes said, "I got arrested for protesting fracking outside the governor's mansion."

Steve sighed and Bruce felt a touch of remorse. He knew it must be hard on Steve to be here in the 21st century, where people ran around getting arrested for politely suggesting the government not permit its citizens to be poisoned.

"Well, you know, you represent the Avengers. If you're going to take a political stance, it reflects on all of us. And if you're going to break the law, it certainly reflects on all of us."

"Nobody knew it was him," Tony said.

"No one will ever know," Natasha said.

"We _had_ a permit," Bruce said. "We were exercising our First Amendment rights."

Steve frowned. "Then why did they arrest you?"

"For 'disorderly conduct,'" Bruce said. He made air quotes around "disorderly conduct."

Natasha snorted. "I'd love to see you being disorderly, Banner."

"Me too," said Tony.

Bruce said, "Steve, people get arrested for protesting to discourage them from doing it again. Big protests like the one today are an embarrassment for the government. So they arrest a bunch of people on made-up charges and hold them for longer than they really need to. And it teaches a lot of people to just stay home and not read the news."

Steve looked a little lost. "Is that true?"

"Definitely true," Natasha said.

"Bruce is a bad liar," Tony said.

Steve said, "I guess I should stop being surprised by things like this."

"Nah, don't," Natasha said.

Steve sighed. "All right--well--you knew you might get arrested, even if you weren't doing anything wrong, and you still thought it was worth it to go?"

"Yes," Bruce said. "And for the record, this is the first time people have been arrested at an anti-fracking protest. Before this I guess they haven't really attracted enough police attention, compared to Occupy and other protests."

Steve crossed his arms and said, "Okay. Why?"

Bruce said, "Because there are a lot more people involved with Occupy and it more immediately threatens the financial powers that be."

"No, I mean, why did you think it was worth it?"

"Because I like to help people." Steve raised his eyebrows and Bruce took a deep breath and said, "Because fracking is ruining clean water supplies and making people's homes unsafe to live in. Because I've seen what happens to kids who don't have clean water to drink. Because... because maybe this isn't the Chitauri attacking Manhattan, but it's still something that's going to hurt people. And a lot of people don't even know to recognize it as an enemy. It sounds--it sounds nice, even. We'll just pump some water down deep into the earth and come back with natural gas. But that's not all that happens. People need to be armed with the truth, so they can speak up for themselves and tell the government not to let this happen."

Steve said, "Okay."

"Okay?" Bruce asked.

"You're right," Steve said. "We're the Avengers. We're supposed to help people."

"We can set up a press conference," Pepper said.

"You could punch Hitler! I mean punch fracking," Tony said, looking up from his phone.

Bruce briefly wished that Thor were there, if only because he would have loved to hear everyone trying to explain this to him.

"We'll figure something out," Steve said. He furrowed his eyebrows and said, "Why didn't you ask us to come with you?"

Bruce laughed. "Well, I was trying to be incognito, and I didn't think showing up with Tony Stark and Steve Rogers was going to help out with that."

"But you felt so strongly about it. I didn't even really know what... fracking was," Steve said. Bruce suspected the word "fracking" made him feel uncomfortable.

"It was very obvious," Pepper said. Everyone looked at her and she said, "Well, it _was_."

"Well," Steve said. "If there are other issues that concern you, you should tell us about them."

Bruce again wondered if this was what most people's dads sounded like. He wondered if he should tell really tell Steve about all the various human rights and public health issues that concerned him. It was a pretty long list, and he honestly thought going through them all might irk the Other Guy too much. It was better for Bruce if he could pick one thing--one slum that didn't have enough doctors, one borough that was being attacked by aliens, one horribly misguided method of extracting natural gas--and focus on making actual concrete change. He said, "Let's just take it one issue at a time."

"If you plan to get arrested again, give me a little advance notice," Natasha said.

"Thanks again, by the way," said Bruce.

"I mean, next time I want to get arrested with you," Natasha said with a small smile. Steve sighed and Natasha said, "You should come too. It'll be fun."

"Not really my idea of fun," said Steve.

"Bruce could make us all posters with fracking puns on them," said Natasha. "They were amusing."

"Let's just... let's be careful," Steve said, rubbing his forehead. "Pepper, since you volunteered, I'll let you come up with some kind of proposal for how we should handle this. I'll be in the gym."

"Being careful isn't _my_ idea of fun," Natasha said, following Steve out the door.

Bruce sighed and leaned his head back on the couch.

Pepper said, "Poor Bruce. You had a long day."

"No. Lucky Bruce," Bruce said. "I guarantee nobody else who got arrested today got flown home in a private jet or had their file wiped clean by the world's best spy."

"And none of them got to come home with Tony Stark and Pepper Potts," Tony said smugly.

"Nope," Bruce said.

"You're right, Bruce, you are very lucky," Pepper purred.

Bruce wasn't sure he'd done anything to deserve such luck. But that was the thing about luck: you didn't deserve it, it just happened to you. Bruce took a deep breath and decided to just enjoy the moment while it lasted. Tomorrow, aliens might come back to retry their failed attack on Earth or the US Army might come back to reclaim their failed experiment or oil companies might pollute all of upstate New York's water supply. But tonight, he was on a very nice couch with two very attractive people who apparently liked him very much, and that was very nice.


End file.
